'Errrrr can i hax pr0ducer?', a day in the life of Lp

The following content has been identified as potential Fail which might result in cronical self-embarassment.

Hello, I'm FailLp and I'm currently the Pr0ducer (Yes, i will be refering to myself as Pr0ducer (Yes, my e-peen is huge)) of Project Failout.  I'm going to be honest here, I got no idea what producers do or are supposed to do so i will just be writting embarrassing reviews of Failbadga's Experiments.
I'm currently being sued by several companies, mainly due to my schemes (aka frauds) that might have possibly gone slightly wrong. I got a corpse-pet named Richard, a Dead Lizard, and I am looking for a cat so i can stroke him after my epic evil quotes.
Just to finish my quick review about my fail of a life, I am going to present the following points:

1. Can i haz money?!
2. Can i haz SAUSAGE?!
3. WTF do producers do -.-?!?

 Seriously though,
Lp